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17 May 2011 @ 11:03 am
come lay and wait, wait on me  
i dunno, this started as a personal canon thing and then it got turned inside out and exploded... the blame for this goes to a dead grandmother (thanks for all the fish) and to the chemistry of Helena Bonham Carter and Aaron Eckhart in Conversations with Other Women (I KNOW!). also, unbeta'd. do with it what you will.

Camping trips in the summer are always his task. The planning, the packing, the locations and he hates it so their children don't have to. He pitches the tents while Ron teaches the latest brood of Weasley/Potter's to hunt. Ginny sets the table. Hermione fetches the water. They all listen to her stories of valiant noble Goblins at the fireside. He does the clean up so he doesn't stare.


When he's in Berlin, not for work (no one is ever safe, not really), he notices things trapped in time. Recognition of environment becomes second nature. Cultures clash and occupy the same space but peace is tremulous at best. Constant vigilance is a habit. Architecture is half stalled and forced to mesh with warring ideologies. Nothing is ever finished here. He doesn't think they ever will be.


There are moments when he thinks he could do it. He could break all their hearts so they can finally live honestly and he wants one thing in his life to be of his doing. On his terms. Just one. Ron is easier to understand now. He was the one that needed time to catch up.

Remus' voice rattles around in his head, 'Don't go looking for trouble Harry.' Sirius' finishes with, 'In due time, it'll come to you.'


He's always running out and he's lost count at his attempts to kill it. One would expect more from the Vanquisher of Darkness or the Bringer of Light, or whatever title has been cooked up for him in the passing years. He thinks more along the lines of Coward, Liar, Spineless Ingrate. Lion of Gryffindor indeed.


He suspects she knows. Of course she does. He wasn't the one that turned away.


When the Weasley family home becomes too much he walks out back to the makeshift pitch watching the gnomes scatter before him. In the middle of the field, under the stars gaze, she's playing with a group of younglings.

'They can be domesticated Harry,' she says off his confused look. 'I suppose Molly already had too much on her plate to focus on this lot.'

'Yeah,' is all he can manage. He wonders if he'll ever stop being astonished at things in his world. Silently he curses himself for not having any domestic chore to stop him from staring before he realises there's not much to do in the middle of a clearing, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the summer.

'Couldn't sleep?' Is her question to his quiet watch.

'Yeah.' He thinks maybe he should sit down so his vocabulary progresses beyond monosyllabic affirmations. 'You?' Not much of an improvement.

'After years of spending parts of the summer here, you'd think getting used to sharing space would be comfortable.'

'At least it's crowded with people you love and all the beatings here are pretty much mutual.' He was safer at one word answers. 'Sorry, bad joke.' He doesn't know where to go from there, so he shuts down all verbal communication. After the youngsters run off joyfully into the night something weighs heavy in his chest. It's probably the same thing burning under his skin.

'We can't,' she cuts into his recognisable brooding and it hits him squarely in his gut. She's very earnest and he knows that part of this is to convince herself. 'We have so much to lose now. We... we've made our choices.'

He scoffs at that last bit, but he's more amused at her use of 'we', as if his silence reinforces her decision from over a decade ago and it releases them both of culpability.

'So we live with it.' She can reduce him to simplistic language immediately.

'Harry,' and she shouldn't have tears in her eyes.

'I get it Hermione.' As her name tumbles over his condensed articulation he sees something inside of her finally break. It gives him courage. 'I should've kissed you that night,' his voice tight with a flood of self-indulgent longing. He thinks too much of what he saw when Ron came back.

He supposes Voldemort still won somehow.

'Would it have made a difference?' Ah, there's his legendary fearlessness.

She smiles with a broken grace, 'Probably.'

He doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry, so he falls into the grass and stares up at the cosmos blaspheming whatever power that has held sway over his life.

He wants to scream.

'Harry,' she starts faintly when a few moments have passed. He really wishes she'd stop saying his name like that.

'Yeah,' and he can feel her shift closer.

'Maybe we weren't supposed to get it all in this life.'

'Hermione,' but he can't find it in him to dash what little hope the fates have granted them. So he pulls her down into his gravity and she fits perfectly, as she always has. She burrows herself into his chest and listens to his heart beat.

'I think you're right,' he tries to smile as the threatening fissure rips through him.


Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: tornado ~ sharon van etten
it's strange that words are so inadequate: harry/hermione; let me show you10millionpeople on May 17th, 2011 10:10 pm (UTC)
He supposes Voldemort still won somehow.

I think this strange feeling is my heart being split by a lumberjack named Sunny.
Sunny: HP scaredsunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
aprilvolitionaprilvolition on May 17th, 2011 11:12 pm (UTC)
Wow. I loved this. It's so heartbreaking and so THEM.
Sunny: HP that looksunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
i hate these kids so much. *creys*
dillpickle: H/Hr Dancepoppypickle on May 17th, 2011 11:37 pm (UTC)
Oh god this was so great and it totally broke my heart into a million pieces. I kind of want to quote it all but I like these parts the best:

He does the clean up so he doesn't stare.

He suspects she knows. Of course she does. He wasn't the one that turned away.

He supposes Voldemort still won somehow.

I love this. Wonderful work.

Sunny: HP Voldy Voldy Voldysunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:32 pm (UTC)
*is a big ball of angst*
Scarlett: hbp huggolden_scarlett on May 18th, 2011 06:04 am (UTC)
killed me! I *loved* it. Just the perfect blend of bittersweet and heartbreaking which is so our Harry and Hermione. You had them both so in character. I loved it how Hermione spoke first in the clearing (because she always knows what he's going to say before he says it). Really..one of the best HHR pieces I've read in a while, I hope you write more! :)
Sunny: HP OotP Harmony hugsunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC)
thanks! i was worried about them being ooc. the way they communicate: GUH. icant.
Angel... Dark Wings Descending...: harmonytiltheendangel_in_tears on May 18th, 2011 09:54 am (UTC)
Beautiful and perfect and SO THEM ♥
Sunnysunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
The journeywoman lives here: *muchluvandhugs*mieystrapurore on May 18th, 2011 10:46 am (UTC)
oh the pain! I loved Hermione's line, "Maybe we weren't supposed to get it all in this life". Thanks for sharing!
Sunny: HP dancesunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
these fucking kids
madderbradmadderbrad on May 18th, 2011 12:30 pm (UTC)

Typical of Hermione to be the one who made the decision all those years ago, and who is resolved to stick to it. Harry's the impulsive one.

'Maybe we weren't supposed to get it all in this life.'

Excellent line!
Sunny: HP the possibilitysunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:38 pm (UTC)
the thing about them is that they were never really given a chance to have a choice which makes it so. fricken. tragic. gah. kids.
Cassandra Elise: h/hr balconycassandra_elise on May 18th, 2011 12:38 pm (UTC)

He supposes Voldemort still won somehow.

This line slayed me. :(

Why is it that Harry/Hermione are the only couple that I always want desperately to kiss, even if it would be completely inappropriate? :p
Sunny: HP blursunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
because they are epic? or maybe because they're MOST EPIC because they were never intended making them SUPER EPIC? something like that...
beege22beege22 on May 18th, 2011 07:16 pm (UTC)
The real tragedy is that Harry and Hermione didn't truly choose this themselves - the choices they made were influenced by the manipulations of others.

So many of the people around them have so much to answer for where Harry and Hermione are concerned.
Sunny: HP our hollow quietsunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
yes. this. i was hoping that came across.
Char: Severus Snape - B&W Snakeblackestfaery on May 19th, 2011 05:46 am (UTC)
It's a small thing in the grand scheme of things—I mean, nothing will ever happen between them (baaaw!)—but I feel so much better to know that it's not one-sided on Harry's part.

And yet, it almost hurts just as much to know they both feel the same way and yet can't do anything about it. These two kids got swept away by everyone else's expectations. I just...

This is definitely them. Perfectly them, down to their grin and bear it resolve. Amazing work!
Sunny: HP wintersunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:42 pm (UTC)
they are so hurty it should be illegal.
Kari: HP - hhr - Dan/Emmautkari02 on May 19th, 2011 03:35 pm (UTC)
So lovely.

Man, I love me some new harmony fic!!!! ♥ I love that it's not over for them. It'll never really be over.
Sunny: HP handssunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:42 pm (UTC)
DeliverMeFromEve: harmonylove3adamanteve19 on May 19th, 2011 06:17 pm (UTC)
It will never go away, this wishing that it turned out differently. :( Thanks for the beautiful story.
Sunny: HP JK on crak!sunny_serenity on May 19th, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
daniel_black: HHr My only onedaniel_black on May 27th, 2011 10:26 pm (UTC)
I loved it! You really know them so good, this it's so accurate and the pain and tears that I have right now can prove it!


Harmony + Angst = my perfect drug
Sunny: HP OotP Harmony hugsunny_serenity on June 10th, 2011 08:41 am (UTC)