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04 May 2011 @ 06:08 pm
that other time i read harry potter wrong  
Can we talk about how awesome Crookshanks is? Cos he is. TOTALLY. IS. He has epic bromance with SIRIUS BLACK IN HIS ANIMAGUS FORM. HE FUCKING STEALS THE PASSWORDS AND IS GUNNING FOR SCABBERS FROM THE GET GO. Love. This. Cat. OMG.





Oliver Wood has a stiffy for Quidditch and McG gets 'shirty'. SHIRTY! Spike and Buffy get shirty. *feels nostalgia*

SPIKE: (annoyed) That's fine. You don't have to get shirty about it.

BUFFY: I'm not shirty. And what is shirty? That's not even a word.






Sir Cadogan is a photobomber/troll. I love it.





Professor Vector teaches Arithmancy. WHO IS THIS PERSON? I love sideline characters. I hunger for more. How do they affect the main characters? What is this person's function within a narrative? Could there have been a minor detail known about them/from them that changes the outcome of THE WHOLE STORY? WHAT IF? WHAT IF GUYS?????


*insert appropriate gif here*


Sybill Trelawney has an obsession with death and gore and it makes me LULZY.





Cho Chang is an opportunistic seeker and methinks this contributed highly to my initial dislike of her. I recognise this now. She's not my fave, but I like her more now than I did initially because I am beginning to understand who she is. SHE IS AWESOME AND EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THIS.


*insert Cho gif here* I have one but PB is not cooperating. Bastard. :-\


Minerva McGonagall is one, ONE of seven animagi in the last C.E.N.T.U.R.Y. HO. LEE. SHITE. FAVOURITE. THIS IS A MINERVA MCGONAGALL APPRECIATION BLOG.





Marauders Era Talk: OMG Sirius, James and Peter began their animagi aspirations at the age of THIRTEEN and accomplished it three years later! WHUT? THESE FUCKING KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!!!! O.M.G. WHAT IS AIR. No wonder they were the bee's knees and thought they were hot as shit arrogant prancers prancing about Hogwarts like they invented the damn place. Shit. They kind of remind me of the poor little rich boys in a way. That swagger that comes with the privileged and inbred, like Draco Malfoy, but with reason beyond 'when my father hears about this.'. AND THEY INVENTED THE MARAUDERS MAP. Fucking kids.











While we're in this time period of EXPOSITION (again, show don't tell, Joanne.) There is no way in hell that Harry Potter was a planned pregnancy. I was reading somewhere (can't remember, probably tumblr) about how Lily and James must have been so excited and bombastic about becoming parents. Um, what? How crazy do you have to be to PLAN to have children whilst being hunted by the most deranged megalomaniac in the most recent history? Lily was a smart girl. James was a co-writer of the Marauder's Map (see: animagi talk above). They calculated. They were people who were inventive and thorough with things. You think they were all 'I want you to put a baybeh in mah belly cos it will be the biggest F-U to that psycho who is hunting us and whom we happen to be on the run from and we will be fulfilled and closer, yes? YES! LET'S DO IT!' [/sarcasm] These are not thoughts that go through a sane person's head WHO IS ON THE LAM. A baby will complicate things AND drive the risk factor so fucking high you will ask yourself when did I ever need a roof?

Dear stupid theory I stumbled upon the internets,

Your argument is invalid.





Things that confused me: Christmas dinner. Uh, how does it go from a luncheon to dinner so quickly? Is this a very long meal that takes hours to consume? Is it a twelve course meal? Cos damn those elves must be busting their asses down in the kitchens. Unless there's this whole Lunch = Dinner and Dinner = Supper in all it's proper form or Joanne was going for a TIME ANVIL but then they go to bed after so... Then there's tea with Hagrid at six in the afternoon. Um, isn't that considered EVENING not AFTERNOON? CONFUSED. Joanne your handle on time is LULZY.





Things that contribute to the I Love Ronald Weasley Campaign (because my feelings are too large for words and my brain cannot articulate my heartbeats): Ron helping with Buckbeak's appeal. THIS MAKES THE SAUCE AWESOME and this boy pushes Harry out of the way when Sirius Black is attacking them and he gets nabbed instead. THIS BOY GETS HIS LEG BROKEN FOR HIS BEST FRIEND. How these kids fit and work together. YES. THIS. WHAT ARE WE US THREE. US THREE INDEED.





How many times can we have an anonymous dangerous object thrust upon these kids that ultimately result in Hermione Granger and That Time I Saved Two Idiots Lives. Seriously. The diary, the firebolt... The tension this provides between the trio is kind of sorta awesome though. Ship stuff aside, it really shows how they work, or don't, together when it comes to emotions and SAVING EACH OTHERS LIVES.

Hermione knowing about Lupin and the boys can't put it together:

'Well, isn't it obvious,' said Hermione with a look of maddeningly superiority.

'If you don't want to tell us don't', snapped Ron.

'Fine,' said Hermione haughtily and she marched off.

'She doesn't know,' said Ron staring resentfully after Hermione. 'She's just trying to get us to talk to her again.'


As opposed to the way Harry handles Hermione's 'betrayal' of the Firebolt knowledge. He's angry but he sees her reasoning. It doesn't stop him from acknowledging his feelings but he doesn't lash out at her so viciously. His following apology about being wrong about the Firebolt and his eagerness to have Hermione see his contriteness makes me tick one of for: That Time I Read Harry Potter Wrong. Also going in this category: when Scabbers is 'dead' and Ron rails at Hermione (yes, the boy is ignorant as to the true nature of his rat so I give him that) but to the point of making her cry? Uh, SHE ALREADY FEELS BAD ABOUT IT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUSH THAT EXTRA MILE TO MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHIT? The construction of this ship just baffles me... WHUT JOANNE? I think for me, this is about how Harry reacts to this scathing row. He's at a loss and not very comfortable in this situation but, for someone who was raised in a cupboard the boy recognises this, what this feeling is. He's been on the receiving end of verbal abuse so he can identify this feeling, an empathy, if you will. I would call it Ron's behaviour toward Hermione at this point 'verbal abuse' but then that'd probably make people hate me, right? Bring it. *shrug*






When they find out about Buckbeak's 'appeal' there's this:
But Harry could tell Hermione didn't really believe what she was saying.

Continuing this train of thought: Harry is able to figure out, much like in CoS when he finds the note in Hermione's petrified hand, towards the end of the book when he conjures his Patronus but it's only after he talks it out with Hermione that he can come to that conclusion. (wow that sentence is horrible) AND THEN HE FIGURES OUT WHAT PRONGS MEANS COS HE SEES IT. ALL MY CREYS YOU GUYS. ALL MY CREYS. Hermione is always there/around/facilitating/the impetus/etc etc etc whenever this boy has a monumental emotional revelation. AKA: That Time I Read Harry Potter Wrong. Whatever. I ship what I want.





While we're on the subject of Hermione, HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THAT WHEN SHE'S NOT HANGING OUT WITH HARRY AND RON SHE'S HANGING OUT WITH HAGRID AND WORKING ON BUCKBEAK'S DEFENCE? HOW MUCH YOU GUYS!!!!! I forgot all the awesome friendships that were littered throughout this story. Oh, KIIIIIIIIIIIIDS! Of course she would hang out with Hagrid. OF. COURSE. She doesn't fit in with kids her own age, Professors are too buys Professoring so she chills in the hut with Uncle Hagrid. *shrug*

'I gotta tell yeh, I thought you two'd value yer friend more'n broomsticks or rats tha's all.'

YOU. GUYS! *melty hearts* Hermione's heart is always in the right place and it serves her well despite the consequences she must suffer. THIS is why she's not in Ravenclaw. Her heart is bigger than her brain *sings* and I love her... SHE. IS. MY. FAVOURITE.

Things not so much my favourite in the characterisation of Hermione (majority of the uneven characterisations in all these characters, actually) is her 'giving up' in Divination and her 'fear' in the DADA finals. UGH. WHUT? JOANNE EXPLAIN YOURSELF. How can her biggest fear be Professor McGonagall informing Hermione she's failed all her courses? Somebody help.





Let's talk about Harry for a bit cos this boy gives me emotions. I'll start with this boy's fucked up emotional map. How fucked is he that he wants so badly to hear his mother and father that he's willing to have the Dementor's suck a bit of happiness out of him? HOW. FUCKED. UP is this kid? Reminds me of Johnny Utah and Bodhi. Those daredevils that only feel alive through risking their lives. He's also a whole lot of selfish in disregarding his own safety and possibly endangering others (Sirius Black on the loose, Neville finding him at the passage) with his trip through the Honeyduke's tunnel. A part of me says, 'Doesn't he deserve it though? Hasn't this kid been through hell already and why wouldn't he want a bit of respite from that? To enjoy himself as he wants? Why not? Especially considering the Christ complex this kid has but, we're not quite there yet at this point in the narrative so, NO, this kid is just being selfish.'

Also a point that is disturbing: Harry bullies Malfoy from beneath the Invisibility Cloak. It's cowardly and also assholeyful behaviour. Yeah, Malfoy is an ass but this almost sends the message that it is justifiable to bully because you've been bullied. This message is: Retaliation is okay. Um, retaliation is NEVER OKAY. It lowers your standards. It makes you no better than the one who's bullied you. You become what you hate. Harry also gets away with disregarding the rules set for his own damn safety when Lupin and Ron save his ass from Snape. I WANT CONSEQUENCES FOR THIS BOY'S ACTIONS JOANNE.





But then he wins the Cup and I was all smiles because YAY! HE WAS HAPPY! Which was quickly followed by guilty conflicting emotions when he finds out that the man who facilitated the murder of his parents owes him a life debt. Wow. I almost cried. But what really pushed me over was the letter from Sirius giving him permission to go to Hogsmeade in the future and the prospect of being able to live with someone who truly loves him. Just. YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!!!





I must say, I liked the little grace note of the Firebolt in the movie as opposed to it being used as a plot device the way it is in the book. Steve Kloves, I BOW AT YOUR THRONE. Also, Alfonso. Because he is awesome.











Speaking of interpretation... We all know my feelings about covering songs and THIS CHILD IS AMAZING! THIS IS HOW YOU DO A COVER. Also, why does she not have more popularity than Rebecca Black? Whatever. Keep it that way. I APPRECIATE YOU MORE THAT WAY. Does this make me a hipster...?

 
 
 
aprilvolitionaprilvolition on May 5th, 2011 05:24 pm (UTC)
PRETTY MUSIC! I must hear more from her.