This is why I like Fred and George. They know how to work as a team. I am big on teamy goodness. It's one of my most favouritest things to ever ever. The twins can also be a little unbalanced. But so is pretty much every other character in this world, thanks Joanne. Fred and George go from pranksters (blowing up lizards and shit) to really caring (trying to save Harry's life from the rogue bludger) in the matter of two pages. WOW. WHY SO EXTREME? Another example of this unbalanced fuckery: Harry's view of Dobby. He has pity for Dobby, but is it the sort that stems from compassion or is it rooted more in the 'well, I'm glad my life doesn't suck that much, yeesh!' kind of thinking. I wish there was a bit deeper characterisation in this second book. Isn't that what a follow up is supposed to do? Am I assuming too much here? Whatever.
Aaaanyway, when Dobby is attempting to persuade Harry to go home and all MUGGLE BORNS IS GOINGS TO GET KILLEDS!!! Harry thinks of Hermione first. 'One of my best friends is Muggleborn, she'll be first in line if the Chamber really has been opened.' OF COURSE HE WOULD. 'Harry Potter risks his own life for his friends. No Dobby, what the boy really does is THROW HIMSELF IN THE WAY OF DANGER WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THE RISKS FOR THIS GIRL. But also, is he really the only hope for the entire magical creature population? Honestly? I'm sure there are a few others who've attempted to buck the system. DON'T YOU KNOW THE PRESSURES ON THIS LITTLE BOY ALREADY??? IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO FIGHT FOR YOURSELVES? REBEL. SPEAK. CREATE A REVOLUTION. There are more magical creatures than there are wizards, right? BAN TOGETHER. Jeez, leave the boy alone.
Another thing that kind of irks me a bit: McG always defaulting to Dumbledore's judgment. Yes, he IS Headmaster and uber awesome but why does this come off as so 'man knows best'? I don't want to say 'misogynistic' because it's not to that degree of He-Man Wo-Man Haterz Club levels but it is something. Maybe it's because they come from a time where it is a 'man's world' but gah, c'mon! Because so far, from her dissenting to a few of Dumbledore's decisions (leaving him at the Dursley's; not telling him about certain things; general disagreements with how to 'rear' Potter for all intents and purposes) the woman makes some serious valid points THAT SHOULD BE LISTENED TO AND INCORPORATED INTO THE FINAL DECISION!!!
Millicent Bulstrode V Hermione Granger. OMG! THIS SCENE!!! She has Hermione in a head lock and Harry pulls Bulstrode off of her 'with difficulty, she was much bigger than him.' OMG THIS BOY!!!! JOANNE I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WROTE THAT AND CONTINUE TO WRITE THAT FOR THE NEXT THREE BOOKS!!! WHAT. IS. THIS. FUCKERY. Another point: Harry wants to apologise to Justin but instead goes about the day moping until Hermione tells him to '...just GO AND FIND HIM if it's so important to you.' and Harry DOES. This is what makes an otp AN OTP for me. Pushing the other out of their comfort to do something beneficial for all not just the hero. AND the hero does so on the impetus of the support from a friend. When the polyjuice potion goes wrong for Hermione, who is it that doesn't laugh at her? Who is it that convinces her to go to the hospital wing? Who is it that eases Hermione's discomfort and embarrassment when talking to Madam Pomfrey? Who serves as an impetus and motivation to action for the other? Who?
HOW ARE MY KIDS NOT ENDGAME? HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW???
Also, is it just me, or is speaking snake kinda sexy?
Wow, posting that gif after the word 'sexy' makes me feel like a perv.
Now we get into tertiary characters that I thought would have been more integrated into the story, but, no. Hanna Abbott! and all her sticking up for Harry, 'He can't be all bad.' and pointing out that if he was the Heir of Slytherin he wouldn't be hanging out with Hermione and the Weasley's, so. I kind of wish this girl was in the movies... like, a presence in the movies at the very least. Also, PROFESSOR SINISTRA!!!! If only because that's a really cool name. *shrug*
But then, of course, Harry finds Nick and Justin petrified and all that goes out the window and Harry, Y U NO TELL DUMBY U HEAR VOICES?!?!?! Do you know how much time and trouble you would have saved yourself if you'd confided in the old man? However, the twins serving as criers for the 'Heir of Slytherin' was completely funny and yet another reason for me to love these boys. Their friendship with Harry totally got sidelined in the movies too didn't it? This is a hilarious and refreshing BROMANCE THAT SHOULD BE TALKED ABOUT MORE.
'At last the term ended and a silence deep as the snow on the grounds descended on the castle. Harry found it peaceful.' Omg this boy has a season and it is my most favouritest season of them all and I know it's a small and insignificant thing but it just MAKES ME LURVE HIM!!!
This Christmas feast? How are these kids not sixty-five thousand pounds? OMG. Damn, these foods are rich and full of buttery fatness... I guess No TV = eat all the crap you want cos there ain't no lifts or escalators in this school. They do run about the castle quite a bit.
'Hermione had a steely glint in her eye not unlike the one Professor McGonagall sometimes had.'
So yeah, Emma Watson can play McG when she's like seventy-five.
Draco is an evil little wretch for wishing people dead and I'm not saying that just because he wants Hermione dead. It's because he's an evil little wretch that ends up with a redemption arc so I still kind of love him.
I'd like to highlight the differences with the boys and why Joanne failed. When they find the diary in Myrtle's bathroom and Ron goes 'Fifty points if you get it through Myrtle's nose.' Harry however pocketed it. Why does Ron have to be such a jerk? Yes, he's a boy and Myrtle can be annoying but JFC why does Joanne characterise him like this? So, Ron thinks the diary is dangerous and shouldn't be messed with. Voice of reason: YAY! And Hermione thinks the diary might have hidden powers. Second voice of reason: Double YAY! But Ron can't put together the 'fifty years old diary' with 'fifty years ago the Chamber was opened'. Boo. He's a fucking chess MASTER and he can't put this together? ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?! GAH. I HATE THIS BOOK. I HATE THAT JOANNE MADE EVERYONE SO UNEVEN. WTF?!
'But Harry could tell from the arrested look on Hermione's face that she was thinking what he was thinking.'
'He sounds like Percy,' said Ron wrinkling his nose in disgust. 'Prefect, Head Boy... probably top of every class-'
'You say that like it's a bad thing,' said Hermione in a slightly hurt voice.'
Valentine's Day song from Ginny. OMFG! LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING.
Yep. THAT'S endgame. HAPPILY FOREVER WITH PEOPLE WHO EMBARRASS OR HUMILIATE YOU AT EVERY TURN!!! WHAT? I like to think of myself as an open person who can be made to see things from someone else's place and logic, but with this? OH GOD I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS. My favourite lyrics always resemble something like, 'give me your eyes I need sunshine' OR 'lend me your eyes I can change what you see' and I have tried so. hard. to get my head around this and see where the appeal is and what it is that makes this attractive and awesome and brilliant and wonderful and LOVE and... ijustcant. sorry. JOAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEE!!! YOU MAKE ME WEEP.
So we'll focus on Draco and his assholeyfulness for now. He teases Ginny in public and it embarrasses Harry even more. I think Draco has a little bit of a rejected man-crush on Harry because why else would he try so hard to make Harry's life miserable? But we have Ron being all defencive and awesomely gallant in his sister and friend's honour. Aw, cute. And yes, you can try and use Ron's defencive behaviour towards any insult about Hermione as a part of your basis for why you ship them, but then why does he turn around and insult her in a more personal way? What is that? I never got the 'only person who can pick on my loved one is me cos I love them' mentality. Just. WHAT?
Whatever. The diary gets stolen from Harry's trunk and he doesn't want to report it for fear of 'bringing it all up again' for Hagrid. Why must he always be silent? LIFT UP YOUR VOICE. UN. EVEN.
'I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me.' - Dumbledore
Sooooooo, he's NOT dead? I'm just spit balling here cos I've never read with much attention the end of the series but I'm taking this as foreshadowing that he's going to pull a Gandalf in Deathly Hallows Part 2? Plus, his familiar is a fucking phoenix and Jean Grey became a phoenix and never really died... except for that time when she did, but that's beside the point.
Why is Aragog such a psycho? Oh, look, friends of Hagrid. LUNCH! Un. Even.
'Even as he reached for his wand Harry knew it was no good... but as he tried to stand READY TO DIE FIGHTING.'
LOVE. THIS. BOY.
Then he lies to go see Hermione when he really wants to see Myrtle but he goes to the hospital wing anyway... yeah, still with the lying Joanne?
Things That Make Me Think Hermione Would Have an Affair: she often serves as the reason and/or provides the capacity for breaking the rules. 1. total body binds Neville so they can sneak out. 2. convinces the boys to take the polyjuice potion AND steals the ingredients to make it. 3. she defaced a very old history book. A. BOOK. 4. she thinks breaking the rules by forming an army is exciting. 5. she can keep a secret... or two. 6. she drops out of school. ...I'm sure there's more stuff she does but I'm not that far yet. so.
OH! OH, okay, the other thing that makes me ship H/Hr: they have excellent team work without expressly calling it such. Okay, so earlier she and Harry both thought about the fifty years diary/chamber relating to one another but, BUT. even when she's INCAPACITATED they work together. She gathers the pieces. He puts them together. It is perfection. The alley oop. A pick and roll. A double play! *insert appropriate sports terminology here* WHAT. EVER. THEY. ARE. PERFECT. They are both tenacious and curious. They break and/or bend rules out of necessity. They both choose to do the right thing even if they'll get shit for it because their belief in their action is worth it. People's whose flaws makes them flawless without giving each other misery.
Okay, so. Ginny gets taken all damsely and the Weasley boys are all worried but have absolutely no idea that they can get out there and DO something (thank you Molly for that character trait *holds up sarcasm sign*). Harry, in all his innocence (OH!) asks Tom to help him, OH! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH, and Tom Riddle pouring his soul in to Ginny AND THIS IS WHY SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR GREATEST ASSET IN A WAR AGAINST TOM. FUCKING. RIDDLE. Characterisations: UN. EVEN.
The image of Hagrid attempting to raise werewolf cubs makes me have the lulzies. The image of Dumbledore as a transfiguration Professor is also cause for a laugh. IDEK. The construction of this sentence: '...he could hear it's heavy body slithering heavily.' WHO IS YOUR EDITOR? WHO IS YOUR EDITOR? Voldy's monologuing is also hilarious because all I think of during those diatribes is The Incredibles. However, in this monologue talk about Dumbledore's best weapons (the sorting hat and a phoenix) discounts that Harry himself, is a weapon.
I will give Joanne this, the bloody attack on the basilisk was kinda cool.
'If this is dying, thought Harry, it's not so bad.'
OMG THIS GIVES ME FEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!!!! IDEK WHY!!! Is it because this is the moment before death when the realisation of life makes itself known? Does this happen in DH? cos I think it does! BUT! Don't spoil me, I'm just theorising here.
You know what else gives me feelings? When Harry asks Dobby to promise not to save him again AND DOBBY DOESN'T.
Ya know, I really like how the movie fleshed out the ending of the book. Dobby, Hagrid, Ron, Hermione, all significant relationships for Harry were highlighted instead of summarised in a run-on sentence masquerading as a paragraph.