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08 October 2012 @ 10:08 am
you can't pretend (show me how it's done) mix  
a mix for workerbee73's teenage makeouts fic Five Times** Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff Made Out Like Teenagers because REASONS. yes, it's really called that. yes, it's more than five times. yes, we're ignoring the fact that jon rhys meyers sings one of the tracks here. *handwaves away the crossing of the streams because reasons*

thanks again to the usual suspects. daxcat79 for her infinite patience and wonderful photoshop skills and the feedback nation of sugar_fey, hufflepuffsneak, anuna_81 and cybermathwitch, respectively. may our evil circle of evil cycle of enablers remain unbroken.


you can't pretend1

*please comment if taking so i can keep track of bandwidth

everlong / foo fighters
throw myself into and out of the red out of her head she sang
come down and waste away with me down with me slow how you wanted it to be


//

we looked like giants / death cab for cutie
i don't know about you but i swear on my name they could smell it on me
i've never been too good with secrets


//

beautiful / me'shell ndegéocello
may i kiss you
may i kiss you there


//

heartbreaker / alabama shakes
why why did you have to drive me wild baby
how was i supposed to know you'd give me my first heartache


//

baby's on fire / venus in furs
look at her laughing like a heifer to the slaughter
take your time she's only burning


//

wear suits / yellow ostrich
it's three a.m. and i finished the lie
i've got the same way of waiting for more


//

your song / kate walsh
i'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy
i knew i was wrong to jump straight on into this picture so pretty but he is so pretty to me


//

i'd ask / mugison
i pan i peddle paperwork chill
if all is fair i get a chance to show that i... i care


//

on directing / tegan and sara
you're dressed up i lose my grip i lose my focus
hold on to me


//

echo / incubus
could you show me dear something i'm not seeing
something infinitely interesting


//

.zip

you can't pretend2
 
 
 
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daxcat79: Avengers:  BlackHawk Comicdaxcat79 on October 9th, 2012 12:15 am (UTC)
*cuddles you* :D
Sunny: Avengers watch your sixsunny_serenity on October 9th, 2012 02:38 am (UTC)
YES. THE BREAKAGE MUST BE MUTUAL.

(sooooo, we're like chocolate?)
workerbee73 on October 8th, 2012 08:35 pm (UTC)
...and i was just bitching to bob about lacking inspiration for this next chapter. :)

NOT ONLY ARE YOU BREAKING MY BRAIN BUT YOU ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY RESTORING IT!!! WHAT IS THIS DARK SORCERY????


songs are gorgeous. artwork is gorgeous. i'm off to listen now and absorb (and be inspired).

thank you. <3
daxcat79: Jeremy Renner:  Evil Plansdaxcat79 on October 9th, 2012 12:16 am (UTC)
Mwhahahahaha!!!! Evil plans of evil are working!
Koren: happy placecybermathwitch on October 9th, 2012 12:35 am (UTC)
::cackles::

(also loves your icon)
daxcat79: Jeremy Renner:  Ruins Livesdaxcat79 on October 9th, 2012 12:44 am (UTC)
Renner is planning evil! :D
Sunny: Johannson smilesunny_serenity on October 9th, 2012 02:36 am (UTC)
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Deleted comment)
workerbee73 on October 8th, 2012 10:37 pm (UTC)
(i get it. i am feelings the feels and drinking the kool-aid.)

:)
Sunny: Johannson Redsunny_serenity on October 9th, 2012 08:08 pm (UTC)
GIVE ME YOUR ~FEELS~ THO.

(i would also accept an answer in fic form, but i loves me the commentary)

i was gonna do a comparative quoting thing but decided against it cos i don't wanna tell people how they should read this in conjunction with the fic leaving it open to interpretation.
workerbee73 on October 9th, 2012 11:22 pm (UTC)
(I AM FICC'ING IT OUT AS WE SPEAK, MY FRIEND. AS WE SPEAK.)


i also demand this comparative quoting thing. i might withhold fic until i get it. you can leave in the comments where it won't disturb the masses. *g*
Sunny: Avengers super sexy spies minimalistsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 04:38 am (UTC)
(I ALSO POSTED SOME VISUAL INSPIRATION FOR YOU.)

everlong: obvs, the whole entire feel of it if only everything could be this real forever & slow how you wanted it to be {Oh, she was smooth about it, deflecting with a joke or misdirection or sometimes just laying claim to his mouth until he forgot his own name, but there was a definite boundary line... she had a pretty clear idea of what she was okay with and he wasn’t going to push it.} capturing that whole idealistic teenaged mentality of THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE IS EVERYTHING. so. there's that. but also i've waited here for you both stalled in development (more her than him to an extent) because there's always a tonne of talk about natasha's past through the subterfuge of her job but not much about clint's. relatively speaking, he's had a more typical teenage experience but not to the degree of dedication that he now feels.

//

we looked like giants: some of it is obvious direct statement we learned how our bodies worked; remembering when you were mine in a still suburban town {She closed her eyes, slid her fingers inside, and taught herself how to remember.} & fumbling to make contact as the *others slept inside *because hello having to LIVE AS OTHER PEOPLE! they all need to hush at this moment, m'kay? inner clint dialogue: god damn the black night with all it's foul temptation i become what i always hated when i was with you then {"It's textbook abusive behavior," Nat explained, either missing the way Clint flinched at her words or choosing to ignore it.} i've never been too good with secrets {“How long?” she found herself asking. “How long, Clint?”...“Does it matter?” he finally said....“You weren’t supposed to know anyway.”}

//

beautiful (the whole damn song): {“Is this okay?” he asked softly.

It took her a second to find her voice and she gave him a half-hearted smile. “Aaron doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would ask.”

His eyes became serious. “But I would.”

Natasha found herself nodding, even though her answer was barely audible. “It’s okay.”}

and of course the crescendo of CH 8 coinciding with the rise and fall movement of the music. the soaring realisation accompanied with the falling off a fucking cliff moment: {More than anyone else on earth she trusted him, and the thought hit her as something of a revelation.}

Edited at 2012-10-10 04:39 am (UTC)
Sunny: Iron Man natalie rushman from legalsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 04:57 am (UTC)
heartbreaker *(posting the whole lyric because the ones floating around the interwebs are WOEFULLY incorrect): how was i supposed to know you was a heartbreaker
i didn't know i couldn't know and love laying on this killing floor and i wanna die
or live
how was i supposed to know it was about your sweet face your eyes
oh lord
how was i supposed to know you'd give me my heartache


{Nat just shook her head, even as the memories of earlier kept replaying. She made herself focus on him instead, holding onto the image like some kind of lifeline. It was strange to see him in person, strange to actually be near him after nearly three weeks of going without.}

mama couldn't tell me about the feeling
all them lovesick songs well they got true meaning
oh why why did you you have to drive me wild baby how was i supposed to know you'd give me my first heartache
how was i supposed to know you was a heartbreaker

oh i didn't know i didn't know now i'm lonely on this killing floor and i wanna die
who ever said that we two were never meant
i tell you how i know you're wrong i'll fight you all
i know the way things are i'll fight the planet
oh why why did you have this play out oh why baby


{And if her eyes stung and her throat felt half-choked when it was over, well, that just made it more believable.}

how was i supposed to know you was a heartbreaker how
how was i supposed to know you was a heartbreaker
i didn't know i didn't know now you've got to go and kill this floor and i wanna die
oh i wanted to grow old with you you told me so but then you go
how was i supposed to know


{She felt like screaming and she didn’t know why; it was all white noise, all bright lights and soft voices and a pain in her head that felt like it might split her in two. She needed a fixed point...

Trouble was, she’d be too tempted to throw herself on top in some kind of adolescent immolation, and there was still enough programming left to stop short of total melodrama. So instead Natasha settled for shoving all of it, every last scrap of fabric into the back of her closet, pushing it down and slamming the door behind her to keep the monsters out.

It was only then she looked down. Her once pristine blouse was ruined, grease smudges and oil stains smeared across a landscape of white. She tore the shirt off, only to find that her skin bore his marks as well—fingerprints and handprints littered across—touches that were too gentle, that meant too much. She scrubbed at them with the ruined shirt, scrubbed until only raw red remained. Only then did her legs give way, and she let them, crumpling in a heap against the closet, sliding down the door as the tears slid down her face.}

because goddamn the way britney sings this song is GUT. WRENCHING. and to see it performed live even more so. have a looksee:

Sunny: Avengers Natasha stand downsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 05:37 am (UTC)
wherein i pretty much quote everything back to you because reasons
baby's on fire:
THIS SONG GIVES ME SO MANY ~FEELS and the whole mix kind of hinged on this turning point because i was going to use the original Eno track but then remembered there was a engine rev in the beginning of the velvet goldmine soundtrack and EVERYTHING clicked. it starts from even before the actual SONG begins.

*engine revs*

{Clint indulged a temper she’d never seen before, and when his motorcycle tore out of her driveway for the last time, the screech sounded like a howl of pain.}

baby's on fire
better throw her in the water
look at her laughing
like a heifer to the slaughter


{Every date, every dinner, every kiss goodnight on her front porch… he’d witnessed them all.}

baby's on fire
and all the laughing boys are bitching
waiting for photos
oh the plot is so bewitching


{It was a magnificent show that took place on her front porch, gathering an audience of half the neighborhood—all furiously pretending not to be hanging on every word.}

rescuers row row
do your best to change the subject


{And effective. Dan stopped by later that night with three different kinds of ice cream, an armful of chick flicks, and a big strong shoulder to cry on. Two days later he asked her out, and two days after that it was apparent to anyone with eyes that Natalie Smith had Moved On.}

blow the wind blow blow
lend some assistance to the object


{“Show her you still care,” Mrs. M replied matter-of-factly. “Be her friend. She looks like she could use one right now.”

“And that’s it?”

“What more do you want? This isn’t rocket science, honey. Right now you just have to concentrate on not being an ass.”}

photographers snip snap
take your time she's only burning


{She picked it up and looked out into the darkness, placing her hand against the glass, lingering there for a moment before closing the curtain and sliding into the hot water.

...


“Soon?” she breathed into the worn fabric of his shirt.

“Soon,” he answered, placing a kiss on the top of her head.}

because that image of her in a glass box has to be singed into the back of clint's knight-errant-cowboy mind. he's GOT to get her out of there and fast.

this kind of experience
is necessary for her learning


{This was fire and obsession and madness. It was a drug and a high and the best hobby ever.}

but on a less superficial note from ch3...

{The universe suddenly felt like it was spinning wildly out of control. Wherever she was, it was definitely off the map.}

if you'll be my flotsam
i could be half the man i used to


{A.Cross (9:23am): What can I do?

N.Smith (9:25am): How about catch the bad guys?

A.Cross (9:29am): Working on it.

N.Smith (9:32am): Work harder. The flowers are nice too.

...


A.Cross (10:28am): Hypothetically speaking, if one were to run over a nine-iron with a 1970 Dodge Charger, would it affect the integrity of the club?}

so clint reverts back into Partner because this is his role now. also, wouldn't SHIELD be monitoring their progress and communiques? cos that flirting and subtle concern seems like something that could possibly get them in trouble... (yay phil! he's such a shipper for covering up those tracks. yes, i have headcanon and deleted scenes for this damn fic. CURSES BEE! CURSES!)

they said you were hot stuff
and that's what baby's been reduced to


{"I... I can't stand watching it," he said. "Him and you. You shouldn't have to do this."

"It's my job."

"It shouldn't be."}
Sunny: Avengers Natasha stand downsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 05:38 am (UTC)
baby's on fire continued...
juanita and juan
very clever with maracas
making their fortunes
selling second hand tobaccoes


possible allusions to past missions or some really fucking nefarious shenanigans going on in Hellburbia wherein Dan's real name is JUAN! *cue dramatic telenovela revelation music* AND HE SELLS PEOPLE LIKE THEY ARE HAND-ME-DOWNS AT A FUCKING GARAGE SALE. THAT ASSWIPE. I HATE HIM.

juan dances at chico's
and when the clients are evicted
he empties their ashtrays
and pockets all that he's collected


okay, so maybe it's more about clint having to pick up the pieces after every deep cover op but not letting natasha know that because she would KILL him if she ever found out how he makes sure coulson schedules her light for a few days to recalibrate into Natasha

but baby's on fire
and all the instruments agree that
her temperatures rising
but any idiot would know that


{...there was heat radiating off of him, anger and frustration and she didn’t know what else. His voice became scarily calm. “Is that all we are?”

He was soaked from the rain and soiled by the earth, bruised and bloodied, a cut over one eye and a purple mark along his jaw. He was a dreamer and an idiot and the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She wanted to scream at him, until he understood how thoroughly he had ruined her, how useless she was now. How he’d changed everything.

But she couldn’t find the words; she didn’t know how. All she knew was want—desire so acute as to trap the words and drive out any other argument. She was too tired to fight any more.

So she took what she wanted. Took his lips and his mouth and the collar of his shirt until they were pressed from head to toe, until there was nothing left but this.

The storm rained down and the rest was washed away.}

yeah, a blue whales worth of weight of feels on this one.
Sunny: Renner coatsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 06:11 am (UTC)
do you know how hard it was to keep this thing a secret and not able to bounce ideas off of you?
DO YOU? cos it was painful. and omg this is just a lyrical comparison don't get me started on the ~musical feels~ i have about them.

i’m coming home and i don’t know why
it’s three a.m. and i finished the lie


{It made no sense to be sitting outside her bedroom window in the middle of the night, but lately he’d done a lot of things that made no sense. He was rapidly becoming an expert on irrational behavior with a side of jackass, but he was past the point of caring. He just needed to make sure she was okay.}

i read about places i’ll never see
i sing about things that i’ll never be
i’m coming home and i don’t know why


{His eyes were closed now, as if he couldn't spare the energy to use any other sense—as if touch was the only thing that mattered. Maybe it was. The more he moved against her hand, the more the memories of earlier began to recede, as if he was somehow washing them away. Her hand fully open now, and he pressed it against his cheek, leaning into it, exhaling shakily.

“Tasha,” he whispered, and it was just too much.}

i’ve got the same people at my door
i’ve got the same way of waiting for more
though i can run i can never escape
all of the things that will keep me the same


{He was the biggest damn fool in the history of big damn fools.

Clint sat thirty feet up, hidden in the branches of an old oak tree in Mrs. MacIntosh’s back yard, gazing at the house next door and hating, in the following order: God, the universe, SHIELD, orders, HYDRA, bad guys, Dan Watkins, and Phil Fucking Coulson. But most of all himself.

It was just a mission. Plain as day, clear as could be—he knew it from day one. Hell, he’d asked for it.}

i’m writing stories that i’ll never live
i’m making presents that i’ll never give
i’m coming home and i don’t know why


{"Mrs. M, I hate to break it to you, but things didn't exactly end well between us. It’s over for her."}

wear suits and talk about the futures of all your children

{from ch 4: “It's a call to get back in character. If whoever we were supposed to be spying on planted this, it means they're watching us just as much as we're watching them. And so far we're not very convincing.”

...

Clint looked down at the table, mask slipping just a bit. "She made that pretty clear today."}

he really hates wearing a different persona cos he's not very good at sustaining it.

sing of serious things that kill you

{"Fuck." She could tell the word escaped unbidden. "Nat ... what is this?"}

wear suits and bring your love a flower

{He left a rose every night that week, and every morning it was gone. He wasn’t sure what she’d done with them—probably throw them away—until six days later when he saw a vase on her beside table with six roses in it. His roses.

Maybe Mrs. M was right.}

don’t come home for hours
smile when asked about it


{“There are some people who’d argue that’s impossible.”

She gave him a knowing smile. “Miracles do happen.”}
Sunny: Rennersunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 07:21 am (UTC)
not taupin and john
your song:

haven't you heard
i'm stuck on a face
i'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy


{"Aside from the fact that you're easy on the eyes? It’s simple. You make her happy."

...

She let out a sigh. “For a smart guy, Aaron, you can be dumb as hell sometimes. I've got eyes. When she was with you, she looked happy. The happiest I've seen her. When she's with Dan she looks like she's going to her own funeral. You do the math."}


i knew i was wrong to jump straight on into
this picture so pretty
but he is so pretty to me


{"Don't," she said, eyes fixed on the ground. "It... it makes things harder." Her breathing shifted and she was holding herself so tightly it looked as if she might break.

...

His voice was cold and detached and highly dangerous; her instinct to flee began to kick in but she fought it, wanting to make him understand.

“Clint, it's not that I don't—I just can't—we can't-”}


and he doesn't know
just how far i would go
just to kiss him
he doesn't know how i pine


{“What were you thinking about, dear?” Mrs. M asked with a sugar-sweet smile. They were in her garden, putting out autumn flowers and trimming the roses.

Nat did her best to look unfazed. “Nothing.”

...

The scent of sweat and tobacco and Clint surrounded her, and for a moment she was transported to a breathless summer night in the backseat of her car.

...

Interesting thing about obsession—it never materialized as such until you were too far gone.}


so i'm like a whirlpool
and watch him sparkle
and we'll make love make magic


{"Do you miss this? Do you miss me?" It came out more desperate than she intended.

His voice was ragged. "You know I do."}


and haven't you heard
i thought i had first
and he loves me so we're two in a row


{“You idiot,” she whispered over and over again, kissing his lips, his neck, the line of his jaw. And he was—he was a fool to love her, to save her, to think she was worth it. He was in love with a shadow, with half a girl, a puppet who was still trying to figure how to live without strings. He deserved so much better.

...

"Shit Nat,” he ran a hand through his hair, “I was trying to protect you.” He reached out for her arm but she shook him off.

“I don’t need your protection,” she snapped. “Just let me do my job.”}


just look at his eyes
they're blue as the skies
are picture so pretty
but he is so pretty to me


{Clint was sitting in the driver’s seat, covered in sweat and grease, looking rough and dirty and like the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.}


so i'm like a whirlpool

{Natasha took refuge in Natalie’s habits and mannerisms... Even the near daily headaches she got these days she chalked up to Natalie too; that woman had always been a worrier.}


and watch him sparkle
and we'll make love make magic


{Sometimes she wondered if she spent her waking hours fantasizing about a ghost. It was maddening; he was near, he was so close sometimes she thought she could almost see him—up high and out of sight looking down into a roomful of people until he found her.}


but i couldn't tell you
just tell that it takes you
cos words don't make
what i make with you


{Natasha leaned back to look at him and held his face between her hands, running her thumb over his bottom lip before she could stop herself and enjoying the look of complete surprise on his face. Before she could blurt out anything stupid—such as kiss me, I’m sorry, don’t leave, never let me go—she wrapped her arms around him again.}


haven't you heard
i'm stuck on a face
i'm stuck on a boy who fills me with joy


{Clint was… gone.

...

With Dan, it was … more difficult.}


i knew i was wrong to jump straight on into
this picture so pretty


{Every sensible instinct inside her screamed no, but instead of heeding the advice, Nat leaned up and pressed her lips against the side of his neck. “Why don’t you show me?”}


but he is so pretty to me

{Nat crossed her arms, trying to look smug and more importantly trying to ignore the sudden lightheadedness she felt at seeing him again.}

we'll pick up tomorrow cos, oi, tired.
Sunny: Avengers Clint boomsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 07:41 am (UTC)
no wait, i can do this home stretch...
i'd ask: all about consent and affection in the way the music waltzes, advance and retreat.

{"Touch me. Show me. Tell me."}

she loves me and i love her back

{Clint didn’t seem to care though, and returned the kisses with a ferocity that matched her own. The desire she always felt around him built up to a fever pitch until she was burning with it.

...

His hands still burned from where he’d touched her; it was a mark he couldn’t get off.}

//

on directing:

get the cuts you need
eyes focus like a microscope


{She wasn’t the one who got the wires crossed; she wasn’t the one who confused objectives with emotion. That was all him.

...


“He seems to like keeping a close eye on you.” Clint’s words were calm, but his shoulders were rigid, and he was staring down at the table with enough intensity to burn a hole through it. He looked up. “To be honest, I’ve been waiting for the chance to do something about it.”

There was something in the ferocity of his gaze that made her breath hitch, leaving her scrambling for something to say. “Well, it’s best to let him think he’s winning. For now.”}
Sunny: Avengers super sexy spies minimalistsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 07:45 am (UTC)
holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
echo: again, bookending with everlong, the entire feel of things. encompassing.

my biggest fear will be the rescue of me
strange how it turns out that way

like suddenly something someone contrives
your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
strange how it turns out that way


{He looked at her like there wasn’t anything else on earth and suddenly it was hard to breathe.

Is this what happiness felt like? she wondered. Is this what all those normal people with normal emotions felt all the time? It was blinding—like staring at the sun. There were already spots in her vision, permanent markings scattered across the landscape. There weren’t any words to describe it but somehow it felt… safe, like an anchor keeping her tethered to the ground, preventing her from floating entirely away.

Clint was right in front of her now; she couldn’t see anything else. “I think,” she said slowly, drinking in every line of his face, “that you should kiss me.”}
(Deleted comment)
Sunny: Buffy Jamessunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Re: holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
tasty enough for you? yay!
workerbee73 on October 10th, 2012 07:25 pm (UTC)
Re: holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
OMG DUDE. OMG. I'M FINISHING UP THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT NOW AND THIS IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING.

**WEEPS**

Sunny: X hmmsunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Re: holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
all of it or just that last one? cos i feel like some were more coherent than others. especially towards the end there... yay!
workerbee73 on October 10th, 2012 09:37 pm (UTC)
Re: holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
no-- ALL OF IT. Bob and i have just been bogged down trying to post the next chapter so i haven't been properly commenting.

(and yes, you read that correctly. *g*)
Sunny: Buffy AAAHHHHH!!!sunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 11:16 pm (UTC)
Re: holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
I SAW and I CAN'T READ IT NOW! *SOBBING*


workerbee73 on October 10th, 2012 11:24 pm (UTC)
Re: holy crap they need to be making out on my screen soonish
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!


my world is filled with sadness.
(Deleted comment)
Sunny: Leverage Parker winksunny_serenity on October 10th, 2012 07:54 pm (UTC)
i have plans. just have to find the time. where does it go?!?!?!
Korencybermathwitch on October 9th, 2012 12:06 am (UTC)
But OMG THE TITLE. It is giving me all the feels. (This is what I was trying to get at, Bee. You got me?)

::SONIC SQUEEEEING at these implications::
Sienamystic: OMG octopus attacksienamystic on October 9th, 2012 01:10 am (UTC)
Whee, I was just wanting new music, and a Clint/Natasha mix fits the bill perfectly.
Sophiesarahsoph on October 9th, 2012 02:07 pm (UTC)
Cue the excited noises because I always love your mixes.

I am bookmarking this to snag at a later date (when my internet goes back to the nice speeds, not the giving up on loading even the cover art on this page speeds).
folie_lexfolie_lex on October 15th, 2012 07:21 am (UTC)
You will permit me to snag?

Sunny: Avengers Natasha stand downsunny_serenity on October 15th, 2012 08:17 am (UTC)
has there been an accessibility issue? if not feel free.
folie_lexfolie_lex on October 15th, 2012 08:27 pm (UTC)
NO! No accessibility issue to report. I was just trying to be cute... and was completely unsuccessful...

Sunny: Merlin Heesunny_serenity on October 15th, 2012 08:40 pm (UTC)
oh, well see, it's happened before so i thought maybe it was acting up again. stupid technology.
folie_lexfolie_lex on October 15th, 2012 09:01 pm (UTC)
No worries! I'm sorry for the confusion :D